Get more dating advice by Coach Arnie at JCoach.com
I’d like to begin this post by welcoming all my new Jretro.com readers and letting you know how excited I am to be part of the vibrant Jretro community. I hope that my advice and insights will help you succeed at your own, personal, soulmate search. I’ve been writing Soulmate Searching for a while now, so when you have some free time, read through my earlier posts. I think you’ll find them informative and enjoyable. At least that’s what my loyal soulmate searching readers have told me.
You’re probably wondering who the heck is this guy and why should I bother listening to anything he says? Valid point…so let me introduce myself. I spent about a decade and a half living on the Upper West Side of Manhattan, single. I dated a lot of women (I’m not one of those guys that keeps a score card, so I honestly don’t know the exact number, but if you figure an average of eight women a year, that brings the total to well over a hundred), and got at least twice as many rejections. I had several serious relationships, non of which ended well, and one broken engagement. I feverishly pursued more than a few women over whom I spent entire chunks of my life obsessing, and proceeded to lose interest in those that made the mistake of letting themselves get caught. I spent the majority of my personal time (and a decent part of my work day) analyzing, in excruciating detail, every aspect of every woman I came into contact with, and every social encounter, real and imagined, that I had, or would in the future, engage in. I’m sure all this is sounding quite familiar to most of you. It certainly did to all of my friends, male and female, who went through all the same stuff I did, and from whom I learned a lot by observing their actions and listening to their stories.
A few years ago, probably around five, I started making changes in my approach to dating and relationships. I began to figure out who I really was and what I really needed to be happy. I set a goal, devised a strategy, and implemented it. It wasn’t easy, and there were setbacks and frustrations, but in the end I succeeded in finding my soulmate…and marrying her (I wouldn’t be writing this blog if I was single, for obvious reasons).
Now it’s my turn to help other men and women find their soulmates. I know how hard it is, because I’ve been through it all myself, and I feel your frustration and pain. My advice and insights derive from years of experience, observation, and analysis, along with some authentic Jewish wisdom and spirituality when needed (yes, I’m also a rabbi). I try to be totally (sometimes brutally) honest and direct, without being insulting or derogatory.
So, if you want to learn how to pick up, seduce, manipulate, or control members of the opposite sex, there are loads of dating experts who will proudly teach you how to be victorious in the sex and dating game; I’m not one of them. But if you’re done playing the game and are ready to commit yourself to a serious soulmate search, please continue reading my blog, and be in touch. I think I can help you succeed in finding, and committing to, your soulmate.
Now that I’ve got your attention, make some time to read some of my previous posts, and send me your questions. No, I won’t identify you in the blog unless you specifically ask me to.
Let’s get down to business. Since I’m assuming that most of you are first time readers of my blog, I’m going to take the liberty of repeating some of what I wrote about in my last post relating to cyber-dating, so if you’ve read that one already you can skim through the rest of this post and stay tuned for new stuff next week.
If you’re reading this, you’ve bought into the whole online dating thing. You’ve made a wise decision. The greatest thing to happen to soulmate searching since the invention of deodorant is cyberspace. You now can meet potential soulmates in any part of the world, regardless of the remoteness of your home base. You can also see their photos and get to know them a bit via email or chat, if you are so inclined (and are able to express yourself in the written form. If you’re not good at writing, just stick to the phone. Your writing disability can and will work against). How awesome is that! You are no longer confined to dating the guys on your block, or the gals in your area code. Cyber-dating is not limited to the dating sites you all relish, like Jretro.com. Facebook, Myspace, and other social networking sites I’m not up to speed on, are all tools specifically developed to connect with people. If you’re not taking advantage of them, you’re passing up a huge opportunity.
Now that you’re playing the cyber-dating card, you need to make absolutely certain that your cyber-impression represents you exactly the way you want it to. Your online profile and photos are the only thing that potential soulmates will have to go on when deciding whether to expend valuable time and resources in pursuit of you. They will make assumptions, presumptions, projections, and conjectures based on an amateur photo and a few hastily typed lines of text. You will do the same. It sounds pretty shallow and arbitrary, because it is, but it’s reality, so you might as well use it to your advantage and post the most amazing profile and photos imaginable, and reap the rewards.
In my next post I’ll discuss profile photos. After that I’ll discuss the written part of your cyber-profile. In the meantime, send me your profiles and I’ll try to give you some constructive feedback. You can also send questions, comments, compliments, and critique to arnie.singer@gmail.com.
Until next time, I wish you all great success on your soulmate search.
Get more dating advice by Coach Arnie at JCoach.com
